Love and Music

I write this blog with the risk of being seen as insane...or a stalker...or obsessive...or all of the above. Though I assure you I'm none of the above really. I also realize there is no way to write this where it won't come off as me gushing about AFI, and sounding cheesy while doing it. But here goes: Welcome one and all to my epic super duper hella rad AFI blog.
AFI- Hunter Burgan(bass), Davey Havok(vocals), Adam Carson(drums), and Jade Puget(guitar)

I was going through some old magazines and such and realized again what a giant abundance of AFI...everything...I have. It's really hard to describe to someone who hasn't found that 'one' band what it's like to love a group of musicians so much. Often trying to describe such a thing makes me come off sounding like a crazy person. I suppose I could quote Saphire in 'Almost Famous' where she says "They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much...that it hurts." People like to pick on the person with the band tattoos, the person who says how a band's music saved/influenced their lives. It's not 'just music' I will not 'get sick of them'. They don't get it. It's not like a member pulled me out of the way of speeding truck or anything, but they have helped me a lot. Forgive me, I don't think there is a way to say this without it sounding cheesy. Because of them, I have been inspired to make and do things. A LOT of my drawings have been done because one of their songs inspired me to do it. They have brought me to awesome people I met through a common love of them. In fact the main reason I started talking to Bill was because he had an AFI tattoo on his forearm. Members of the band are straight edge, meaning they don't drink or smoke and such. So I often meet people through the fan base who also don't. Which for me is awesome since I hate said activities. So many of their songs feel like they sat down next to me and wrote a song based exactly how I was feeling at that moment. Hearing their new music for the first time can set off emotional reactions in me that I simply don't get with other bands. Their music feels like home, it feels like it was made for me, and I can listen to it to help me through any emotion I need it for. When things went wrong I listened to Art of Drowning on repeat for days. It puts me in a happy time frame, a happy state of mind. It took me away from the shit I was suffering through. They genuinely give a shit about their fans. No one will ever convince me otherwise. Every time I spoke to any of them they took the time to actually talk to me. And it felt like talking to some person you met at the show, not some big rock star. And that just makes me love them more. I mean my first conversation with Adam, mind you the drummer for the band I love more than any other band in the world, was about cheese curds and why they squeak. I've written them and had them answer me, I've run into them in on the street (when we happened to be in the same city) and said hi. I once told Davey "thank you for existing" and instead of looking at me like a was a weirdo, he gave me a hug. Not an uncomfortable tap on the back hug, but a real hug. And mind you this was after they 'made it big' so to speak. People like to say how they are all stuck up now that they are on a major label. I say bullshit. Many pass my love of them off as 'you being a fangirl' or me wanting to marry the members. Now while I find every member of this band attractive (in fact I find Davey Havok to be the most attractive human being on the face of the planet), I can assure you it's only a bonus and not the reason I love them. I liked their music, then loved their music, then saw what they looked like. Bonus. I don't care who they are dating. I'm not jealous of their girlfriends. In fact Jade's girlfriend is adorable and I think they go good together. I hoard AFI everything 'like' a fangirl but I think it's mainly because I just want everything to do with them. I want to support them. I'm not the 'holier than though' fan bragging about my collectible collection or whatnot. I'm not trying to impress people with my vast knowledge of them. I'm simply a fan, a huge fan, a devoted fan. When I was in Northern Cali I toured every possible AFI hallowed ground I could find. Including seeing Hunter play at Gilman and seeing the Phoenix Theater. And I scowered the entire giant Mountian view cemetery in Oakland to find the exact spot the Totalimmortal vid was shot. Extreme maybe. It's for myself and them, no one else.

I have every album, this should be obvious. But the elusive EPs and splits from the early 90s elude my grasp to this day. They go on ebay occasionally for more than I can afford. Just as well I can get the music off there from another source. While I would love to have the physical record, I'm not willing to spend a fortune just to show it off. I buy the albums. It is not acceptable for me to burn an AFI album. Some of my cds so loved they've started to skip.

Though my nice little collection is all together on my computer. I love the music. I love them. If you couldn't tell already from my adoring words. And the best thing in the world is seeing them live. Their live show is absolutely amazing.I've seen them many times and plan to see them many more. I would have a hard time describing just how much joy I get from being at their show. It's a highly intense and emotional experience. I don't care if now there are more screaming girls or stupid kids than there used to be. In the end I always end up around the people who love them like me. You have Davey somersaulting over your head into the crowd, and walking over them. They jump off of things run around, they are exciting to watch and full of energy....it's hard to describe it. They are amazing live, I will just leave it at that. So, some might find my collection a bit...much. Though not as worst I've seen by any means. But I simply can't part with anything they grace: These are just the ones I had in the stack I was going through. If they are on the cover, I buy it. And yes, the top 4 are 4 different covers for the same damn magazine. Yes, I know how dumb that is, but no, I don't care. (I'm also counting Blaqk Audio, Davey and Jade's electronic side project, in my collections) I even have the overprices Tarina Tarantino 'Tokyo Hardcore' collection book because Davey was a model....and there were pictures to this affect: Through the years, more in my teen years, I liked to take pages out of magazines, clippings, pictures, whatever. Also I was gifted many pics from people. And in the middle there is a poster that is shredded, I took it from someone we stayed with in LA back in the day. It needs to be thrown out, a lot of this does, but I can't do it....if they are on it, I keep it. Every wall of my apartment has and AFI poster. Thing is I still have other AFI posters I just didn't put up. Mainly the newer ones are up because the older ones are a bit battled. Also I have the Art of Drowning cd booklet dismantled, signed, and put up. My AFI shirts, that are still holding together (mostly) there used to be more. I wear the shit out that hardcore kitty hoodie. It has giant holes that I repeatedly sew back up. I've had it for years, I refuse to let it die! My wallet has AFI, My fridge has pics up I took when I saw them, there is an Artica plushy (AOD artwork), I have the live dvd, the despair faction (fan club) magazine they send me..... 3 of the 4 of my tattoos are AFI related. I feel absolutely no hesitance or regret about them. I gladly emblazon this bands artwork onto my skin. Articia there on my stomach. The blue rose was actually red but I changed the color, it was on the front of the 'Leaving song pt 2 EP'. And the angels where some AFI artwork, that and the other 2, done my the artist Alan Forbes. Who did the cover art for the albums. So yeah, I think it's safe to say THIS is my favorite band. I love there music, them as people, what they create, and what they stand for. They do what they want and don't care if people piss and moan that they change or don't look or sound right. Their music can go anywhere from hardcore punk to 80's pop. And I love that. There's songs to fit any emotion angry to happy to sad. I know the way I must come off with my seeming obsession. But the thing is, I don't want to stalk them, I don't want to prove myself a super fan, I just want to continue to adore them and be thankful that they make music. I hope they continue to do so always.

As an end note, I find it extremely necessary to include some Smith (AFI's tour manager/Jade's brother) Bask in his Smithy knife wielding goodness! Stay Slunchy, Sammi

America the misunderstood

So lately I have been all about comics about Scandinavia, as you are aware. And while going on her site i have been interacting with other people from all over. And it kind of disturbs me to see the perception so many people in Europe have of Americans. Many of them complaining how we all supposedly stereotype every other country and not realizing the hypocrisy of that statement. Saying we think we are better than everyone and don't bother with any culture other than our own.

One person talking about how she was a German exchange student and everyone in America called her a Nazi. Everyone took her story as a launching pad to talk about how ignorant Americans are and how apparently we are just all like that. One girl from here actually apologized for being from her own country. Then I went on to say how I am from the US but one of my best friends is from Germany. And while she was here I don't recall her talking about people being cruel to her. And that I'm from a very German family, many people here are. Also that the reason I got into this girls comics was because lately Scandinavian culture interested me, so I had been studying it more or less. I like learning about other cultures, I like when Nicola tells me things that are different where she lives as opposed to here. It's interesting to me.

I don't say 'our culture is almighty and all the others are inferior!' thing is, I have met hardly anyone (if anyone at all) in this country who feels that way. One bad thing I will say of my country is that many times our media focuses on negative things and gives negative ignorant people spotlight. Other countries see this and get the perception that the whole country is exactly that way. It's unfair. Every country EVERY country has the ignorant assholes. But also EVERY country has good people, who are like other people anywhere else. I can say most people in this country are good enough people. Many are well aware of other cultures and respect them. I know many people besides myself who have friends from abroad.

There was also the discussion about how we never bother to learn another language. Also not really true, I know a lot of people that speak fluent Spanish. Yeah maybe we don't know other European languages, but then again we aren't close to Europe. Here learning Spanish or French is more applicable. I like that me and a few other people helped make a good name for the US at least on that little art site. But many of the people were referring to us as 'exceptions' and 'one of the cool Americans' or even saying 'we act more European' and apparently I get points for having a european best friend? that's just odd....then you have other Americans on there undoing it by saying the author of the comic is bad and she was making us look bad...blah blah. If you look at her comic she plays off all the stereotypes of ALL the countries, and has comics showing the Scandinavian countries doing the same stuff. (such as most Americans are familiar with countries in south America where apparently many Scandinavians can't even remember the continent name). Maybe she makes where she is from look a little better....but hey she's from there, big deal. I'd also like to point out not every European on there was accusing us of being that way, in fact most of them weren't, most people on there are awesome. I'm just talking about the few that were. Another example of a few people making a whole group look bad when in fact they aren't.

Bottom line is, I'm not trying to be all AMERICA RULES or anything. But I do not believe I live in a bad or ignorant country. We have problems yes, and we have some bad people yes. But so does every other country on the planet. I'm not a fan of stereotypes. I'm not a fan of even passing judgment on a country if you have never been there.

America is not all of fat redneck idiots
Germany is not full of Nazis
France is not full of weak pansies
Finland is not all drunks
Not everyone in Afghanistan is a terrorist.

Everyone get over yourself, calm down, and get along Damn it! :)

So now that that is out of the way, I'm going to go read funny comics. Good day. :)

Deviation

So lately I have been bored with life. No, more like I feel like I'm suffocating in it. I'm becoming one of those working stiffs. Sacrificing fun to work and pay my bills. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything. I am essentially becoming everything I told myself I would never be. I hate that everything around me looks so familiar and boring. All that once glittered is now beige. I'm hitting a breaking point and it's made me think about one aspect of my life that I think it bogging down on me the most. When I go to work, I literally hate every moment of it. I need a change. I don't think I will ever be happy with work unless I get to do something creative. And regarding this, I have been mulling over a few options in my head:


School. Now I've always been weary with this. Hence why I have never yet gone. One hesitation of course is money, seeing how this would have to be all paid for by myself entirely. Also I wonder how far it would take me. Seeing how many people who have gone through school never use what they went for rendering the time and money useless. And art isn't exactly a skill you train for and become a specialist. Also I am weary about the idea of my work being picked apart by teachers. I get really defensive and argumentative about it. I wonder if my stubbornness would be problematic. And what should I go for? Comicbook art? Illustration? Though, I know doing this would improve my skill. A degree would be a good things to have.....and it would def get me moved to bigger city. Seeing how the schools I have looked at are in either Chicago or Minneapolis.




Publishers. I have for years been tossing around the idea of sending my 'Evie Spooks' comic to a publisher. I don't know why i never got my shit together and done this. Well, maybe it's because I don't know if I have full confidence in the project. So much of the story is in my head and it comes out in comic strip form, which I guess it ok. But is it developed enough to be reviewed? And if so, is it good enough? I guess all these things are rather dumb because I could still give it a shot. I mean worse case scenario(and most likely) they will reject it. Though in that case I would have at least tried and perhaps I would get feedback as to what was wrong with it, and improve.




Webcomic?Another idea is to turn Evie into a webcomic. For this I would need a website. Again I have the ever present doubt that people would even read it or care. Would it be a waste of time? Many people who have done web comics have actually become successful and were able to make a living with it. Another problem presenting itself though is that I am absolute shit at promoting myself. I don't know how to get people to want to read my stuff. I mean I have had a deviant art page for years and it hardly gets glanced at....IDK it's a possibility though I suppose.



So what do you think? Would Evie be something worth reading? Would school be worth it for someone like me? Should I try my hand in the internet world? Or do I just need to start by being in another place? Taking time to do something different? All I know is something needs to change before all the spirit gets sucked out of me. Right now I'm not living, I'm existing. This seems like a place to start.

More of my Evie stuff and other art stuff can, as always, be found on my DeviantArt page: http://sammicula.deviantart.com/